


I Need Your Grace

by erisgregory



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 07:47:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18734710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erisgregory/pseuds/erisgregory
Summary: from a tumblr prompt: Liz calls Michael and asks him to check on Alex for her when he leaves her house the morning after having spent the night there and having had a PTSD episode in the night.





	I Need Your Grace

**Author's Note:**

> While Alex's PTSD is mentioned and one symptom is brought up, it's not dealt with in any real detail. I need to do some reading up on PTSD before I really tackle it, so I hope this satisfies the prompt and is authentic enough for all of my readers.

“Michael? Oh thank god, I was afraid I wouldn’t reach you.” Liz sounds frantic so Michael is immediately on alert.

“What is it, are you okay? Is Max okay?” Michael asked, worried what the note of panic in her voice might mean for all of them. In Roswell there was no telling.

“No, no, we’re fine, it’s Alex.” Liz says and that’s somehow much worse.

“What about Alex?” Michael demands.

“I was going to say he’s okay for the most part, but he just left here and I think you should go check on him. He came over last night and his PTSD was so bad he couldn’t sleep. He hasn’t been sleeping the last few nights, but he couldn’t stand to be alone any longer. I’m really worried about him, he doesn’t think he needs any help. Will you go look in on him?” Liz is so sincere in her concern that Michael’s initial doubt about seeing Alex is overturned.

They haven’t seen each other since Michael stood him up and Maria said he wasn’t even on speaking terms with her, so this isn’t going to be easy, but then nothing with Alex ever has been. Though he and Maria never got around to starting anything, that one kiss was enough to derail anything with Alex.

“Yes, I’ll go check on him.” Michael tells her.

Twenty minutes later, driving out to Alex’s cabin with two coffees and some donuts and Michael isn’t sure this is the right move. What if Alex won’t see him? This will be for nothing. Worse than that it’ll probably make Alex’s day that much worse and that’s the last thing Michael wants.

But he’d promised Liz he would do this and if Alex is in trouble then there’s nowhere else for Michael. He has to go to Alex, just to see that he’s okay. That he’s made it home, that he doesn’t have any immediate needs.

He pulls up outside of the cabin and cuts the truck engine. It’s quiet but there’s Alex’s car. At least there’s that. He’s home. Michael climbs out, grabs the coffee and donuts offering, and heads to the door. It’s bright out already, but it’s still early. What if Alex had come home and crashed? Michael didn’t want to wake him up.

Michael doesn’t have to worry about that for long, though, because before he can even knock, Alex opens the door.

“What are you doing here?” He asks, and he sounds so angry that Michael flinches. He also realizes he has no cover story for why he’s here so it’s going to have to be the truth.

“Liz was worried, she thought maybe someone should look in on you.” He says plainly, though it sounds awful now that he’s saying it, like Alex can’t take care of himself which is so far from the truth.

“Liz was worried? Someone should look in on me? Why are _you_ here?” Alex is upset. That makes sense considering, well everything.

“Liz asked me to come, and I came because I’m worried. She said you’re not sleeping? That last night was really bad. And I was worried.” He holds up the donuts for Alex to see. “I come in peace.” He tries a teasing tone to diffuse the tension between them and it must work s little bit because Alex holds the door open just wide enough for Michael to enter. Though he doesn’t look happy about it.

Michael enters the cabin with trepidation; he’s not exactly welcome here. Even so he goes straight to the coffee table and begins laying everything out. The cabin is small though compared to the Airstream it’s like a mansion. Still it’s tidy and cozy and Michael feels he’s been given something special being allowed in.

“Liz shouldn’t have bothered you, I’m fine.” Alex says as he shuts the door. “She shouldn’t have bothered you.”

“I’m not bothered. I need breakfast too, besides I think maybe we should talk, though I’m not sure now’s the time.” Michael finds a spot on the couch and sits.

Alex takes the chair and reaches for one of the coffees. “Is there ever going to be a good time for that? You told me to come back and then you never showed.” He takes the lid off his coffee and blows on it. His voice is neutral but the words sting Michael all the same. “You kissed Maria.” It feels like an accusation because it is.

“I did, and that was a mistake. I thought…” Michael picks up his own coffee but he doesn’t drink it, he just needs something to do with his hands. “For a second I thought maybe it would make more sense to stop trying to salvage something between us and just let it all go.”

“So why didn’t you go through with it? Maria only said it wasn’t right. We haven’t talked since.” Alex tells him., then he sips his coffee and reaches for a donut. He’s far too casual for this conversation, Michael thinks. He looks too calm. Like it doesn’t carry the same weight for him as it does for Michael.

“Because I’m in love with someone else.” Michael says. It hurts to say it like this, just now, while Alex bites into his donut.

“Someone else, huh?” Alex laughs humorlessly.

“You, then. Because I’m in love with you and I can’t let that go. Not yet. Not if you feel the same way. I know I was an asshole, but dammit Alex, I think we should try. Something, anything. Don’t you think we owe to ourselves to at least try?” Michael abandons his coffee and leans forward, waiting.  
Alex doesn’t say anything at first and it takes a minute, but Michael soon realizes it’s because he’s tearing up. “If you really thought that then where have you been the last two weeks? You left me waiting and then what? You never came by, you never called, what am I supposed to get from that?”

“Alex, I… look Caulfield really messed me up and there was that whole thing with Noah and then, then.. I just didn’t know what to say, it felt too late. I’d already screwed up and I didn’t know how to start undoing what I’d done.” Michael swallows hard, runs a hand through his hair. He’s fucking this up too because he was supposed to be here making sure Alex was okay, not begging him to take him back.

“You can’t undo what you’ve done, don’t you see that?” Alex’s voice wobbles and one tear rolls down his cheek. He wipes it away with the back of his hand.

“You’re right, I can’t undo it, but maybe we can move forward. Maybe it’s time to let go of the past. All of it, and move forward. Together.” Michael is begging, he knows it, but he can’t help it. This feels like his one shot at a future with Alex. “Please, Alex, could you ever forgive me?”

Alex sets his cup aside and licks his lips, pressing them together as though afraid of what he might say. The look on his face is terrifying, everything seems to hang on his next words and it’s a lot to take. Michael is scared he’s going to say no and Michael will have to live with it because that’s what he deserves. 

“I want to, Michael, I do.” Alex’s voice is quiet. “How can we trust each other now?” 

“We take it slow, get to know each other again, build our trust from scratch.” Michael suggests.

“And if I don’t want to take it slow?” Alex asks, surprising Michael.

“Yeah?” Michael slides forward in his seat, itching to touch Alex, to show him how serious he takes all of this.

“Yeah.” Alex says. “Let’s try it, I want to. I want you, Michael.”

“I want you too.” Michael says softly, then he slips off the sofa, walks until he’s in front of Alex, and drops to his knees before him.

Their lips crash together, hungry, needing even more than they can feasibly give. Michael lets Alex lead the way, follows him willingly as Alex’s tongue slips along his lower lip and then into his mouth. Michael sighs into it, it’s so good, he’s needed this, needed Alex so bad. Why had he ever thought he could live without this?

Alex breaks away to breathe and to strip out of his shirt and Michael follows suit, undoing his buttons so fast he’s afraid he might snap them off. It doesn’t matter though, not with Alex right there, waiting for him. Alex is already on his belt and that’s something Michael can really get on board with. He decides to help, sliding Alex’s belt out of the loops and tossing it aside before starting in on Alex’s jeans. Once he gets the fly open he helps Alex pull them down, along with his briefs but just to his thighs, just enough to give Michael the access he needs.

He leans down, but looks up at Alex who just nods and swallows hard. Then he takes Alex into his mouth, swallows the length of him down and Alex finishes getting hard on his tongue. It feels right, feels good to be on his knees for Alex like this. He sucks gently, bobbing his head as Alex moans above him. He sounds just as good as he feels.

Michael uses his tongue to swirl around the head of Alex’s cock, to tease, to tempt, and Alex sinks his fingers into his hair. He grips hard so Michael teases less and sucks more. He uses one hand to hold the base and the other just holds on for life because he needs to be anchored between Alex’s fingers and the floor. 

It’s not long before Alex’s hips are coming up off the chair in little stuttering motions that have no real rhythm. He’s chanting softly, “Michael, Michael, oh, oh…”

So Michael speeds up, uses his hand to meet his mouth every time he dips down again. Alex’s fingers are pulling now and that’s good too. He sucks hard and twists his hand and Alex is coming down his throat. Michael swallows and swallows until there’s nothing left and Alex is shivering so he backs off and looks up at Alex.

“That was…” Alex starts.

“Unexpected, great? Brilliant even?” Michael asks, his voice gruff from the abuse his throat has just taken.

“All of the above.” Alex answers with a laugh. He hauls Michael toward him and kisses him deeply. “Take me to bed, I’m exhausted.”

“Yes, sir, Captain sir!” Michael teases. Alex shakes his head but begins doing up his pants. Michael helps him to his feet and then Alex takes him by the hand leading him to the bedroom. 

Together they climb into bed and even though Michael intends to say things, important things, they both fall asleep in each other arms. Michael doesn’t even dream, it’s just like resting in a cloud of warmth and peace.

When they wake again the sun is high in the sky outside Alex’s window. Alex stretches and smiles over at Michael. He loves seeing that smile. He’d do anything to keep Alex looking like that.

“You look rested.” Michael observes.

“I feel rested, which is pretty amazing considering I haven’t slept in days.” Alex tells him., then he huffs a quiet laugh. “I think I sleep better with you next to me.”

Michael thinks about that for a minute, his heart expanding in his chest with all of the affection he has for this man. “I would happily sleep by you every night, you have to know that, but I think it’s time we talk about you getting some help.” Michael hopes that isn’t too forward of him, but he’s worried about Alex and he knows he can’t really fix what’s wrong.

Alex is quiet so long that Michael’s sure he’s offended him, but then he speaks, his voice quiet. “They offered me therapy when I first got back, but I refused to go. It just seemed like a cop out. I don’t want to be weak like that.”

“It isn’t weakness, Alex.” Michael tries to assure him.

“Okay, maybe not,” Alex agrees, “but I’m not the type of person that wants to need help, with anything.”

“I know you’re not, but you yourself said you weren’t sleeping. You had to spend the night with Liz because things had gotten so bad.” Michael reminded him gently. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, but I really think you should consider it now. Please. We’re all worried.”

“Alright.” Alex concedes. “I’ll think about it.

Michael levels a look at him until he smiles again. “Fine, I’ll seriously consider it.”

“Thank you.” Michael says as he leans over for a kiss.

“I love you, Alex.”

“I love you too.” Alex whispers.

Hours later when they finally get out of bed long enough to order Chinese food for pick up Michael takes a moment to just watch Alex. He’s amazing. Everything he’s been through, then to come home to aliens and government cover ups. He’s incredibly strong and Michael is determined he knows just how strong and amazing he really is.


End file.
